Emotional Regulation and ADHD
Every emotion is a pathway to a greater conversation!
ADHD’ers live in a world of very strong emotions. Everything is amplified and can pendulum swing from one feeling to the next. Frustration, impatience, worry and excitability are all felt and expressed at times in a heightened way. Kids with ADHD are called overly sensitive or reactive because they ARE! They have a more vulnerable and sensitive nervous system. This sensitivity can lead kids to be perpetually in a state of emotional dysregulation. Emotional regulation is our ability to recognize, understand and manage our feelings and can take time to develop.
Processing of our emotions happens in the brain. We start with a thought and if that thought goes unchecked we can be flooded by an emotional response and be swept away very fast! Imagine a wave coming through the brain and taking everything down with it. When our emotional brain is active (or reactive) our higher reasoning takes a back seat.
Angry thoughts move to angry feelings and lead to angry actions! “You took away my toy, I ‘m so mad, now I’m going to hit you!”
Your brain moves faster than your brakes to hold back your emotions.
Children with ADHD may have:
An emotional reaction that seems more intense than the situation calls for (why is she crying over spilt milk?)
Struggle to calm down once in an emotional wave
Seem insensitive or unaware of emotions of others
Have a low tolerance for frustration
Impulsive reactions to stimulus
Executive functions (EF) are connected to emotional regulation (ER). We have a disconnect in the feedback loop between the prefrontal cortex (high functioning part of the brain) and the amygdala (lower- emotional function part of the brain). Research has shown that ADHD affects communication between four areas in the brain (limbic system, basal ganglia, cerebellum and reticular formation) Those with ADHD can be up to 30% delayed in development in these areas and have differences in brain size, function and structure. This is not an indicator of intelligence, just a difference. These lags in development will impact the ability to emotionally regulate.
So for example working memory (EF skill) can be impaired which affects our ability to plan ahead, organize, remain undistracted and monitor emotions. If you forget your homework you might spiral into an intense feeling of worry and shame then get angry. Working with kids in examining their thoughts is a helpful process to get them to see the chain of command and that with some practice they can be in better control of their feelings at times. There can be a choice, in time.
ADHD’ers learn best in the moment. Parents scaffold their children’s experiences in the early days to support them in managing and co-regulating their feelings. Identifying and naming the feelings, how it feels in the body and then how that might be expressed in the healthiest way without harming oneself or others. We need to remember even negative behaviours are forms of communication. These behaviours are pointing out to us where the child is still learning and needing support to regulate. Their nervous system is overwhelmed and they do not possess the skills or energy to handle this situation, yet.
The amygdala is the part of our brain that regulates our emotions. When we are in a stressful state the amygdala takes over. When in an emotional state best to connect before you correct and be present with the amygdala first before attempting to instruct or change the situation. TheADHD brain has an underachieve frontal cortex and an overactive amygdala.
Our feelings are looking for support, not solutions - Dr. Becky
Co-regulation
Mirror the experience of your child. Come to their level and even mirror their facial expression, especially if they are young. “I can see you are really upset and mad. I know it’s hard.” Slow it down, be present for them in your calm state, be with them and don’t try to solve the problem. You may offer a physical support like a hand or hug if it is appropriate and soothing to the child. When there is a shift in their state and you might notice that they are gearing back into the upstairs brain, then you may offer more words about the experience. “I know you are angry and it’s difficult even when we have big feelings we cannot throw our toys. It could hurt someone or break.”
Children need to learn that their feelings are normal, and they need to be experienced, not suppressed or avoided. They teach us about ourselves and our connection to the world within and around us. Feelings are a part of being human. They ebb and flow and won’t last for ever, no matter how big they feel.
Our roles as parents is to model how we work with our big feelings and how we can hold a safe space for our children to express their feelings. Giving them the knowing that no matter what we can be there with them and love them through the experience.
What does it feel like in your body? Name or draw the sensations so it becomes very clear what the sensations are for a wholistic understanding of emotions in our bodies. This way they will be able to notice a possibility of building up of feelings.
“Before I completely explode my body feels a bit shaky, it feels hot in my tummy. I know I am getting to my threshold.”
Ask for help- Teach your child how to ask for help. Teach your child how to recognize when they are meeting their threshold and about to boil over. At times this can happen as children start to accumulate negative experiences through the day. “I am reaching my threshold. I need a break!”
Create a Chill Chart: When regulated create a list of 5 ideas of things you can do when you feel: Angry/ Sad/ Scared/ Anxious/ At your threshold . Post this for easy reference.
Practice Positivity and Gratitude: Up-regulate positive emotions by proactively making tasks engaging, setting kids up for success with scaffolding, novelty and rewards.
*Catch your child doing something good and recognize them for it.
*Make a gratitude jar or every day at breakfast say something you’re looking forward to/ end the day with a gratitude.
Share your calm, not their frustration.
No learning happens unless there is calm.