Supporting your 3-5 year old with ADHD
Less is more
Often parenting these days is providing your children with multiple choices so they can feel autonomous and a part of the decision making process.
A child with ADHD is already overwhelmed and overstimulated the less is more approach can work really well in many regards.
Less choice
can support you in having more fun and less power struggles and tantrums. Instead of offering an open ended invitation to a meal or outfit provide 2 alternatives- you can have macaroni or a bagel. Would you like the red shirt or the blue shirt?
If possible having the visual representations present without out other options so the child can easily look and point or express their desire.
Less stuff
Great strategy in your child’s bedroom room or play area. Having fewer toys on display opting for toys organized in various bins hidden away and rotated into the mix will provide less distractions and an easier time cleaning up.
Less activities
Having less planned is not being a bad parent! Kids these days are over programmed even as toddlers and preschoolers- piano, soccer, swimming, art class all in one week. If your child is in daycare or school all day having some down time with you or free play outside at the park or ravine is really what most young children are craving, not more structures or groups of children to interact with.
If they love soccer or dance is where they excel that wonderful, choose actives wisely for your child as you also want to be aware of how your child impacts the group and may receive more negative feedback than encouraging fun times.
Less instruction and direction
Because of the different wiring and firing in ADHD brains giving your child a multileveled instruction will most likely end in frustration for everyone. Working memory, processing speed, auditory issues are executive functioning dysfunctions that effect the ADHD brain. Exectuvite Functioning deficits effect your child’s ability to hold directions in mind, have difficutly completing all the steps in sequence, and can be easily distracted.
Make it easier on yourself and be clear in your instructions and give them one at a time. Make charts for multi stepped processes.
Here are some chart ideas, also easy to google, or draw your own with your child even better!
https://amommycircus.blogspot.com/2012/08/reward-charts.htm
Pick your battles
Parenting an ADHD child is exhausting on all levels. Get super clear with yourself, your partner or co-parent or babysitter, whoever else is consistently with your child what your 3 most important things are and then be consistent.
Maybe start with the 3 biggest challenges. Is bedtime the main issue or getting to school on time? Is it dealing with tantrums while out in public?
If your child’s room is constantly messy but you have decided you are more affected or worried about emotional outbursts then let the messy room go and just suck it up for a while.
Decide your top 3 or just start with one and work out some clear and consistent guidelines that you and other adults with your child can follow during those times.
Start there then work forward when you feel like you have had any success. It takes about 3-4 weeks to change behaviours!
Time In
ADHD kids are overly effected by their environment or constantly seeking stimulation to motivate or invigorate their brain and sometimes its too much. Creating an opportunity for time in, being inside themselves with a quiet time activity is important to do at an early stage so they can start to recognize in themselves when they might need to separate out from the group or an activity to take care of themselves before it could lead to a large outburst or disruption. These self-regulation strategies are important for your child’s development.
Example:
Creating a space at home, a quiet corner with a puzzle, fidget toy, a stuffy whatever your child needs to self sooth.
You could have a song you play or set a timer to establish a consistent time frame. A time in might also start and end with a cuddle. Attempt to use this time and space in a positive way not as a sense of punishment.
Have moments when you practice a few deep breathes together, like before bed or right before leaving the house. Practice when not in an upset state.
Learn to Surf the waves of emotion
Feelings come and feelings go, I simply move with the flow! I use this line with the warrier pose- We can never stop our feelings from coming but we can be aware of what they are, how they impact us and the people around us and how we can take care of ourselves, surfing the waves of emotion- energry in motion.
ADHD brains have difficulty with emotional regulation. Starting at a young age to label children's feelings accurately and assess what they may need without judgement is a great skill set to start developing early.
Modeling how you deal with your feelings and talking out loud the steps you are going through is very helpful for children. They are looking to you as the thermometer in the room.
(When my daughter and I would end up in a power struggle or I was at my wits end and I had the ability to slow myself down (doesn’t always happen!) I would start to take some deep breathes and at times even tell her I was going to my room for a time in so that I could calm myself down because I was starting to get very angry and upset. She recognized I was aware of my experience and was trying to help myself before the feelings got too big and she learned she could do that too.
Consistency is Key
ADHD kids need structure and order around them. This reflection of routine and structure gives them the container for their abundant energy, can sooth the more anxious child and help with transitions because they know what’s next. Kids with ADHD also have a low frusteration tolerance so when they know the steps it provides emotional support to know what’s expected of them. They need to know their limits.
Having clear structure and routine are a great reflection model that will support them in executive functioning skills they will need later in life. Over time this impacts your relationship and helps them to build a sense of trust in you and themselves.
Examples:
Provide a consistent bedtime routine and morning routine so they know what to expect.
At the end of an activity help them tidy up and put toys in proper locations. Can even use a specific song to trigger the brain into remembering what time it is.
Clean up their bedroom before bed every night.
Set them up for Success
If you can scaffold their experiences by creating routines and consistent boundaries this will go a long way in maintaining If your child has a hard time socially then set up structured play dates with a time limit or at a place that feels the best for them, if its your house or outdoors at a park. Talk to the parent of the child beforehand.
Talk to your child beforehand as well, let them know appropriate and inappropriate behaviour and set a clear limit if the boundary is crossed the playdate ends.
Have a couple things on hand to break up a situation or calm your child down. Bubbles are amazing, they bring the child back to their breathe, they are fun to chase and can shift a situation in a moment.
Savour the Good Stuff
Parenting is up down and all around. Savour the moments that you love and enjoy your child! Praise your child and acknowledge their efforts.
Examples:
When your'e in a great moment and you know it, just take a deep breath, a mental image, have a word you say to imprint the moment and tap into the ease you feel. Remind yourself how much you love your child, remind them too! When you have this authentic moment it can truly ripple out around you.
Have a list of go to activities you do together that you both enjoy. Colouring, puzzles, walking the dog, building forts, dancing, walking at the beach…whatever you do together little or big have a list posted somewhere for when you need to fill up your love tank!
Put photographs of your child when they were in a happy place and time to remind you again of their joy.